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The Day I Said Goodbye

The Day I said Goodbye Chapters 1&2 Chapter 1 It was not goodbye, when your chest did still. It was not goodbye, when your eyelids shut. It was not goodbye, when my hand left yours. Although the action, deeply did cut. The garden I remember, the colours, and the smells. Flowers growing and blossoming, all year round.  The games we’d play, as children in paradise. Let’s not forget, all the eggs we found. I remember the magic times, the happy times, and low times. I remember the moments, each event, each little thing. The atmosphere would surround us, in an aura of colour. I’d confide in you, and the birds would sing. It was not goodbye, when our words were said. It was not goodbye, when you were laid to rest. It was today, that I knew, would be the final goodbye. Today, was the final, test. I wondered around your space, so empty. For each heart break, a tear would fall. A thousand fell in a moment, you saw. As I held up, holding
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Wise Words

“Within our working lives, and perhaps even amongst friends, we see deceptions played out before our eyes: people who pretend to be happy when they are aching with sadness, or to like each other when they feel nothing but contempt. Perhaps these are actions of self-preservation, driven by a will to hide our pain from a wider audience. Within a relationship, though, pretence is indeed both unreasonable and illogical. Admit to being the person you really are. Never play that deadly game of charades.”    - Rachel Abbott
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The Story That Is

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Stress...a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances... Well ain't that the truth... I've been asked a lot of questions lately, by people in my every day life. Friends. Colleagues. Family. How do you cope? How are you so strong? How are you even standing vertical right now? How do you do it? How have you not cracked? They say charming things like... I wish I could be that strong. You deserve a medal. You have been through so much. You work too hard. You're inspiring. I would crack if I was going through all that. I wish I was like you. You're a warrior. It is flattering but I sit and think "there are people out there going through so much more, there are people much worse off than myself".  But this does not mean to say what you are experiencing and feeling isn't bad too. It does not stop the pain thinking this way. The reason I started with this, is because i
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Beautifully Tragic Dreams

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I saw you in my dreams again... And every morning, I wake to realise your not really there. My subconscious is blessed by your presence. I can see and hear you there. It's beautiful. But every night I say Goodbye to you, all over again... A tragedy I relive. It hurts. But I don't want to stop seeing you. If sleep is the only way that I can. Then I shall dream away...
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YouTube Channel

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So...I have decided that i'm gonna be brave, and do video entries as well. This, I aim to start rather soon.  My goal is to hopefully inspire, to create awareness, to let others know they are not alone and to potentially minimise the stigma surrounding mental health.  I plan to use my experience from both sides of the page, as a worker in mental health, and also a sufferer, to post frequently about different subject matters.  I would like to delve into various forms of mental health illness, including interviewing individuals who have a diagnosis different to my own. This will hopefully capture a wider understanding, and as I said, create awareness etc. I would greatly appreciate any support! If people could kindly subscribe to my YouTube channel, I would be very grateful.  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyn6I6Zh_3gvbgUDsgv3MXA?view_as=subscriber Thank you so much, and if you have any requests, questions, topics etc you would like me to cover. Please feel free to co
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I'm Back

Hello Again So as some of you know, I took a break from blogging and have been hand writing a diary instead. The aim being to document often and see if I can notice improvements in my current mental state.  Lately it has been a roller coaster, both good and bad. But at least it's not all bad...right?  I was thinking of scanning and posting my diary entries...and I have also considered doing video entries...what do you all think?  My mind is a little all over the place, so am not entirely sure whats best! The troubles of an over-thinker eh?  Well if you guys would prefer video entries or anything, let me know! As I can talk for England, writing is a little harder. Especially to put across and express certain things.  A quick update of my last couple of days... So I have noticed since escaping a very bad relationship, that I have started eating again and more frequently (and unhealthily). And so I have made the wise decision to try and adapt a healthier lifestyle
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Dear Diary

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Taking a Break

Taking a Break When I first decided to create a blog surrounding the topic of metal health, when I first decided to write partial clips of my own journey...my aim was to help others. By way of encouragement or support, presenting an understanding due to personal experiences, explain methods, techniques, medication and aid that has helped me; which may help someone else.  But unfortunately due to events this year starting exactly Christmas Eve last year, my mental health has deteriorated...and continues to do so.  I am free falling.   So due to this I need to put my years of experience into stronger use, to repeat my routines and keep myself on track.  I need to go away and concentrate on improving my current state of mind, as I am hurtling backwards.  But don't worry Angels because I am a typical woman...stubborn.  So as I say a temporary goodbye (as I may not post again for a while) i'd like to make sure this is not the end.  Whilst I depart for a shor
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The Final Goodbye

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  My Angel It still feels so unreal.  Isolation has been my method of coping. I've been trying to keep numb but the tears always spring back. I have smiled too sometimes, through the tears, as a memory springs to life. Because the memories I have of you are amazing, because you were amazing. You were not just my Nan, you were one of my best friends, a hero, an Angel even in life. I am greatful for the 26 years I personally got with someone so perfect as you.  Today I prepare for tomorrow, the day I must say goodbye for the final time. And it kills. 
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Second Chances - Jekyll and Hyde

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Second Chances Well these quotes say a lot, mean a lot and teach a lot...right?  I have always been one strong individual, mentally I mean... Through all the battles I have faced, I have won and come out stronger than I went in.  But lately...I feel weak.  I used to have zero tolerance for being treated poorly by anyone, and I mean anyone... Until I fell in love.   The chances I gave proved pointless and painful. Yet the lesson was still never taught. Maybe because there was always hope? Always something going through my mind attempting to excuse their words, actions, behaviour?  A 'Jekyll and Hyde' kind of character is the easiest and hardest to love.  They make you want to take a bullet for them one minute...and make you want to be the one shooting them the next. They help ease anxiety...but are the very reason your anxious... They make you love them and hate them all at once. They make you smile...then cry in the same day.  Fill your hea
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