Underneath The Mask

The Day I said Goodbye Chapters 1&2 Chapter 1 It was not goodbye, when your chest did still. It was not goodbye, when your eyelids shut. It was not goodbye, when my hand left yours. Although the action, deeply did cut. The garden I remember, the colours, and the smells. Flowers growing and blossoming, all year round.  The games we’d play, as children in paradise. Let’s not forget, all the eggs we found. I remember the magic times, the happy times, and low times. I remember the moments, each event, each little thing. The atmosphere would surround us, in an aura of colour. I’d confide in you, and the birds would sing. It was not goodbye, when our words were said. It was not goodbye, when you were laid to rest. It was today, that I knew, would be the final goodbye. Today, was the final, test. I wondered around your space, so empty. For each heart break, a tear would fall. A thousand fell in a moment, you saw. As I held up, hol...

I saw you in my dreams again... And every morning, I wake to realise your not really there. My subconscious is blessed by your presence. I can see and hear you there. It's beautiful. But every night I say Goodbye to you, all over again... A tragedy I relive. It hurts. But I don't want to stop seeing you. If sleep is the only way that I can. Then I shall dream away...

  My Angel It still feels so unreal.  Isolation has been my method of coping. I've been trying to keep numb but the tears always spring back. I have smiled too sometimes, through the tears, as a memory springs to life. Because the memories I have of you are amazing, because you were amazing. You were not just my Nan, you were one of my best friends, a hero, an Angel even in life. I am greatful for the 26 years I personally got with someone so perfect as you.  Today I prepare for tomorrow, the day I must say goodbye for the final time. And it kills. 

Second Chances Well these quotes say a lot, mean a lot and teach a lot...right?  I have always been one strong individual, mentally I mean... Through all the battles I have faced, I have won and come out stronger than I went in.  But lately...I feel weak.  I used to have zero tolerance for being treated poorly by anyone, and I mean anyone... Until I fell in love.   The chances I gave proved pointless and painful. Yet the lesson was still never taught. Maybe because there was always hope? Always something going through my mind attempting to excuse their words, actions, behaviour?  A 'Jekyll and Hyde' kind of character is the easiest and hardest to love.  They make you want to take a bullet for them one minute...and make you want to be the one shooting them the next. They help ease anxiety...but are the very reason your anxious... They make you love them and hate them all at once. They make you smile...then cry in the same ...

Heartbreak It's a Bitch "The saddest thing about betrayal...is it never comes from your enemies". Well isn't that the truth...  Heartbreak...truly excruciating emotional trauma caused as a result of loving someone not worthy.  You never know until it is too late, there is no avoiding it, no cure for it, and the symptoms are a never ending list. You stop looking for the 'imaginary monsters' when you start seeing them in the faces you come to know and even love.  But you cant feel the pain of heartbreak...without feeling love first.  And that capability to love in any respect, is a powerful thing indeed.  Let the pain make you tough.  Heartbreak is a bitch...but i'm not the type of girl that lets a 'bitch' get the better of her.  Breath. Your worth more.