Underneath The Mask

Stress...a state of mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from adverse or demanding circumstances... Well ain't that the truth... I've been asked a lot of questions lately, by people in my every day life. Friends. Colleagues. Family. How do you cope? How are you so strong? How are you even standing vertical right now? How do you do it? How have you not cracked? They say charming things like... I wish I could be that strong. You deserve a medal. You have been through so much. You work too hard. You're inspiring. I would crack if I was going through all that. I wish I was like you. You're a warrior. It is flattering but I sit and think "there are people out there going through so much more, there are people much worse off than myself".  But this does not mean to say what you are experiencing and feeling isn't bad too. It does not stop the pain thinking this way. The reason I started with this, is because i...

So...I have decided that i'm gonna be brave, and do video entries as well. This, I aim to start rather soon.  My goal is to hopefully inspire, to create awareness, to let others know they are not alone and to potentially minimise the stigma surrounding mental health.  I plan to use my experience from both sides of the page, as a worker in mental health, and also a sufferer, to post frequently about different subject matters.  I would like to delve into various forms of mental health illness, including interviewing individuals who have a diagnosis different to my own. This will hopefully capture a wider understanding, and as I said, create awareness etc. I would greatly appreciate any support! If people could kindly subscribe to my YouTube channel, I would be very grateful.  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCyn6I6Zh_3gvbgUDsgv3MXA?view_as=subscriber Thank you so much, and if you have any requests, questions, topics etc you would like me to cover. Please ...

Hello Again So as some of you know, I took a break from blogging and have been hand writing a diary instead. The aim being to document often and see if I can notice improvements in my current mental state.  Lately it has been a roller coaster, both good and bad. But at least it's not all bad...right?  I was thinking of scanning and posting my diary entries...and I have also considered doing video entries...what do you all think?  My mind is a little all over the place, so am not entirely sure whats best! The troubles of an over-thinker eh?  Well if you guys would prefer video entries or anything, let me know! As I can talk for England, writing is a little harder. Especially to put across and express certain things.  A quick update of my last couple of days... So I have noticed since escaping a very bad relationship, that I have started eating again and more frequently (and unhealthily). And so I have made the wise decision to try and adapt a...

When Your Wings Fail If energy was measured like the fuel in a car is measured...my tank would show on empty... I feel like I drag myself through each day, each task, each step. Finding the 'fuel' to even coast myself through a day is proving difficult, and RedBull does not give you wings...just heart palpitations...(so if you suffer with anxiety, please steer clear of the energy drinks).  My wings are crumbled and broken, trying to get them to work and lift me slightly causes me severe pain. But we have to do it, we have to get up, regardless. We have to take each step, complete each task, get through each day. One day I believe my wings may work again, and I want to be ready for that moment.  When your low and feel hopeless, get up, force yourself, mentally prepare yourself, as the smallest tasks currently feel like big battles...you cannot control your mind, but you can control your actions.  My wings are failing, but I will not stop flying...  ...

Fluctuating State of Mind My mind is a hard piece of bodily equipment to deal with right now. If only it were as simple as getting an engineer out to fix it... My moods, feelings and emotions fluctuate daily, sending me on highs and lows and around roundabouts. Its nauseating and unsettling. Any trigger can have me flip from one to the other, my emotional roller-coaster is a bumpy ride, getting through each day okay is a struggle. I can be bubbly, happy, funny and completely on the ball at work. Something small could set those on "Pause" whilst I can feel stressed or angry or anxious, frustrated, embarrassed, confused, feeling 'not with it', and like i am in a different world all together. It's exhausting. I can be a total 'social butterfly' to then wanting to isolate my self completely, not really bothering with people or only engaging with a couple of people in my life. I don't ignore people as such but if someone in my personal life t...

The Good and the Bad What is Anxiety? What is it really? Because I am pretty sure it is different for everyone, the same as Depression is. Mental health illnesses are not like regular illnesses, like the common cold for example.  Picture yourself in a room with another person. You both have a common cold. You will most likely both have a cough, runny nose, headaches. Now lets say you both have Anxiety issues. One may get a racing heart, whilst the other person may not. You maybe hyperventilating whilst the other person's hands are flexing and moving uncontrollably. One of you may feel nauseous, be physically sick in fact, due to the impact of emotions coursing through the mind and body. Whilst the other holds their head from the loud words and feelings pounding their brain.  I could go on forever but I am touching a little bit on my last post, about symptoms of Mental Health changing, being different, each person having the same diagnosis but the symptoms bei...