Underneath The Mask

When Your Wings Fail If energy was measured like the fuel in a car is measured...my tank would show on empty... I feel like I drag myself through each day, each task, each step. Finding the 'fuel' to even coast myself through a day is proving difficult, and RedBull does not give you wings...just heart palpitations...(so if you suffer with anxiety, please steer clear of the energy drinks).  My wings are crumbled and broken, trying to get them to work and lift me slightly causes me severe pain. But we have to do it, we have to get up, regardless. We have to take each step, complete each task, get through each day. One day I believe my wings may work again, and I want to be ready for that moment.  When your low and feel hopeless, get up, force yourself, mentally prepare yourself, as the smallest tasks currently feel like big battles...you cannot control your mind, but you can control your actions.  My wings are failing, but I will not stop flying...  ...

All Angles It's ok, to not be ok It is hard to overcome something, when there are so many things to overcome at once. For a while, this year especially, the tragedies have been occurring like a long line of falling dominoes. It seems never ending.  It encourages my mental health to deteriorate, I can feel it. I absolutely hate admitting 'defeat' as I am a strong character. But...it's ok, to not be ok... It's ok to ask for help, instead of tackling it all alone.  I have dealt with my mental health illnesses and tragedies for so long, I thought I had finally a grip on it, had my 'ways' of coping and dealing with them. Lately the struggle has got intensifying and pretty unbearable. I felt embarrassed seeking further help from the Doctors, but why? Self esteem issues? I don't know.  There is no escape, everywhere I look there is pain, stress, sorrow. Even when I close my eyes. That tension builds, it puts so much strain on the mind...the hea...

Fluctuating State of Mind My mind is a hard piece of bodily equipment to deal with right now. If only it were as simple as getting an engineer out to fix it... My moods, feelings and emotions fluctuate daily, sending me on highs and lows and around roundabouts. Its nauseating and unsettling. Any trigger can have me flip from one to the other, my emotional roller-coaster is a bumpy ride, getting through each day okay is a struggle. I can be bubbly, happy, funny and completely on the ball at work. Something small could set those on "Pause" whilst I can feel stressed or angry or anxious, frustrated, embarrassed, confused, feeling 'not with it', and like i am in a different world all together. It's exhausting. I can be a total 'social butterfly' to then wanting to isolate my self completely, not really bothering with people or only engaging with a couple of people in my life. I don't ignore people as such but if someone in my personal life t...