Underneath The Mask

When Your Wings Fail If energy was measured like the fuel in a car is measured...my tank would show on empty... I feel like I drag myself through each day, each task, each step. Finding the 'fuel' to even coast myself through a day is proving difficult, and RedBull does not give you wings...just heart palpitations...(so if you suffer with anxiety, please steer clear of the energy drinks).  My wings are crumbled and broken, trying to get them to work and lift me slightly causes me severe pain. But we have to do it, we have to get up, regardless. We have to take each step, complete each task, get through each day. One day I believe my wings may work again, and I want to be ready for that moment.  When your low and feel hopeless, get up, force yourself, mentally prepare yourself, as the smallest tasks currently feel like big battles...you cannot control your mind, but you can control your actions.  My wings are failing, but I will not stop flying...  ...

Fluctuating State of Mind My mind is a hard piece of bodily equipment to deal with right now. If only it were as simple as getting an engineer out to fix it... My moods, feelings and emotions fluctuate daily, sending me on highs and lows and around roundabouts. Its nauseating and unsettling. Any trigger can have me flip from one to the other, my emotional roller-coaster is a bumpy ride, getting through each day okay is a struggle. I can be bubbly, happy, funny and completely on the ball at work. Something small could set those on "Pause" whilst I can feel stressed or angry or anxious, frustrated, embarrassed, confused, feeling 'not with it', and like i am in a different world all together. It's exhausting. I can be a total 'social butterfly' to then wanting to isolate my self completely, not really bothering with people or only engaging with a couple of people in my life. I don't ignore people as such but if someone in my personal life t...

The Good and the Bad What is Anxiety? What is it really? Because I am pretty sure it is different for everyone, the same as Depression is. Mental health illnesses are not like regular illnesses, like the common cold for example.  Picture yourself in a room with another person. You both have a common cold. You will most likely both have a cough, runny nose, headaches. Now lets say you both have Anxiety issues. One may get a racing heart, whilst the other person may not. You maybe hyperventilating whilst the other person's hands are flexing and moving uncontrollably. One of you may feel nauseous, be physically sick in fact, due to the impact of emotions coursing through the mind and body. Whilst the other holds their head from the loud words and feelings pounding their brain.  I could go on forever but I am touching a little bit on my last post, about symptoms of Mental Health changing, being different, each person having the same diagnosis but the symptoms bei...

A Symptom of Poor Mental Health My Appetite In my 'younger days'...wow I sound too mature there...Lets start again. When I was younger and suffering with my mental health illnesses, I would over-indulge when it came to food. In fact...I'd over-indulge during whatever emotion or feeling. I'd eat when I was sad, eat when I was happy, eat whilst with friends, eat out of boredom. I think you get the picture... However I used to get so low and down over my weight, I hated my image, hated my body, hated my face...again, you get the picture... I tried eating healthy, exercising, dieting, the usual weight loss techniques. Due to my lack of energy and commitment to these, I ended up just giving up, slipping backwards, and ended up almost 14 stone. I believe I weighed 13 stone and 9 pounds when I was at my largest. I didn't find that attractive on my 5 foot 4 young self... But still, my habits didn't change. This was due to all sorts of reasons, partly my o...