My Appetite

A Symptom of Poor Mental Health

My Appetite

In my 'younger days'...wow I sound too mature there...Lets start again.

When I was younger and suffering with my mental health illnesses, I would over-indulge when it came to food. In fact...I'd over-indulge during whatever emotion or feeling. I'd eat when I was sad, eat when I was happy, eat whilst with friends, eat out of boredom. I think you get the picture...

However I used to get so low and down over my weight, I hated my image, hated my body, hated my face...again, you get the picture...

I tried eating healthy, exercising, dieting, the usual weight loss techniques. Due to my lack of energy and commitment to these, I ended up just giving up, slipping backwards, and ended up almost 14 stone. I believe I weighed 13 stone and 9 pounds when I was at my largest. I didn't find that attractive on my 5 foot 4 young self...

But still, my habits didn't change. This was due to all sorts of reasons, partly my own doing, partly the mental health driving me to 0% energy and the need to drown my sorrows with fast food.

Overeating can be a symptom of Depression and other mental health issues/illnesses. A loss of appetite can also be a symptom, and this is where I have come to.

A couple of years ago I developed a different (but still negative) relationship with food...now I rarely eat at all. Over these last couple of years, I have lost almost 4 stone. This isn't because I found a diet that worked for me or a regular exercise routine that fits my schedule. It is again due to mainly my mental health.

At first I did not even know I was losing weight, however many times people would point it out to me. When people asked if I had lost weight as I look like I have, my mind would believe that it was just the clothes I was wearing, they may compliment my large figure and make me look slimmer? Anyways I did not want to stand on the scales to then be disheartened. Until someone encouraged quite strongly to do so. At that point I had already lost 2 stone, the shock on my face was a picture. How could I not have noticed? Did my size 16 clothes not feel too big for my body? My slimmer looking face? Legs? Anything? How was I so oblivious?
I didn't at first understand why I had lost weight, I didn't even notice I wasn't eating even half the amount I used to. 

After confiding in family and friends, we realised my mental health played the biggest role. What used to make me want to comfort eat, now encouraged a severe loss in my appetite.

Some of this is due to laziness, I won't lie. I have no interest in preparing and cooking a meal for myself. My current mental state has me lacking motivation for a lot of things, and this daily requirement to survive is one of them.
I can go days having only eaten a little, sometimes even nothing at all. Until my body becomes so hungry that food suddenly looks appealing/appetising, instead of making me feel nauseous. Anxiety is the worst for encouraging my loss of appetite and interest in eating. Stress is also a massive culprit. My appetite and eating habits fluctuate from day to day, but is it bizarre that I still sometimes feel 'fat'? Will that thought ever go away? Or is in an old mental habit that wont fade?

I guess we shall see. 

So symptoms of deteriorating mental health can be a 'shape-shifter' so to speak, some people have found their sleeping pattern is also a fluctuating experience. Individuals I have spoken to can develop insomnia, or in opposition; sleep too much. This can be an idea for a future post.
If you suffer with depression, anxiety, a form of personality disorder etc etc, keep an eye on the physical, mental and emotional symptoms, they can change.