Delving into the Deep

My Mental Health Illnesses

My journey began when I was 10 but took a massive dive by 11 years of age. That was when I had it. That 'it' being Severe Clinical Depression, I also suffer with Generalised Anxiety Disorder (GAD). It took a while to come to terms with this, to grasp an understanding of two things that, at that age...I knew very little about. 

I was self harming from 11 also. A young age to be mutilating and causing physical damage. 

By 14 years old I was put on fluoxetine, a prozac anti-depressant medication, and have been on a-ray of different medication ever since.

To this day, I am still fighting the battle and have been everyday, but can say after the many things I have tried, many coping mechanisms I have built up, distraction techniques found. I have been coping and dealing with it all differently to my clueless younger self. My mental health troubles have haunted me since I was 10. Now almost 26 it still continues to show up and condemn me. I can feel it when it creeps closer, I can notice when signs of falling back into depression arise, I can predict anxiety moments and attacks (my worst enemy) but sometimes those sneaky fuckers do pay a surprise visit. 

But in my current life right now, I don't feel less 'ill' so to speak. But I am better equipped to deal, in a better position to fight the battle and win the war. 

I am going through depression again. I am being revisited by a demon whom attached to me when I was little. I wrote a poem about the visits of depression. A good idea for a future blog post??