Whiplash

Whiplash

This post is more on the down side than my other posts. But to talk about these topics around mental health, means honesty. 

Lately the struggle for me has been incredibly nauseating. I become strong and feel through everything I have already been through in 26 years...that I must be able to get through anything. I keep reminding my self "one step at a time". This year however (which still isn't over yet) I keep putting one foot forward, and being thrown 100 steps backwards...thrown completely off my feet that need to take me forwards, and throws me to the floor. 

I go from feeling powerful and strong, to weak in 0.5 seconds. Its like I am not in control of my actions for some moments, for other moments I cannot complete any actions...just lay there thinking of all the stuff I need to do and get done. And when I gather up some motivation and energy, with great difficulty, something happens to set me back.  

My career is the only thing going well and positively and I must hold on to that. Hold on to that positive. Use my experience to help others and support them. Working in the field of Mental Health is a reward I have received this year which I cherish. 

When I am not at work I curl up into a shell of my former self and wonder when the pain stops. That clenching feeling inside you and the whirlwind of negative thoughts and worries that propel back and forth in my mind. 

When there is so much happening at one time...I feel like...an elastic band, being pulled in all kinds of directions. I am just hoping I don't snap...I have stretched too far to snap now.   

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